I don’t know about you, but I’m a creature of habit. I guess I find a sense of safety and security in largely doing things in the same way. Don’t get me wrong, I do like trying new things, but not too many all at once, and I can certainly do spontaneity, just as long as you give me a week’s notice. However, I appreciate that many people have a desire for constant change, and maybe you too operate under the maxim, “If it ain’t broke, break it!”, constantly looking for and feeding off of change and uncertainty. I can see that this certainly has benefits, and I know that I can perhaps become a little stuck in routine ways of thinking and behaving, missing out on the potential that alternative approaches can bring. But still, I navigate my own personal tightrope between continuity and change, in my own way.
I’m writing this as the last three days of the school year are about to start, and engaging in what’s become something of a tradition for me. It may sound like a ridiculous thing to do, but each summer for the last 10 years or so, as the end of the school year is upon me, I sit and read Graham Greene’s Monsignor Quixote. It’s a beautifully crafted book that tells the story of two unlikely friends on a bizarre adventure through Spain. Reading the book has become a marker for me, the point at which I allow myself to breathe a little more slowly, a little more deeply, where I begin to relax into the summer.
But of course, there’s more to the story than a simple travelogue. It’s a deeply moving and poignant story about friendship yes, but also about doubt and faith. Now, I don’t have a religious belief, I don’t in that sense have a faith, but I do have a profound faith in the goodness of people and in their capacity to generally do and be, far more than they themselves frequently believe they can. Operating with this belief can, and will at times, lead to frustration and disappointment, but far more frequently it leads to self-awareness, self-acceptance, personal growth, and the chance to more readily experience joy and peace.
Beginning to believe that change and growth are possible for you can be really difficult. It can mean challenging long held beliefs and limitations, which for years and perhaps decades have been seen and felt as incontrovertible truths. This takes courage, the capacity to open up to doubt, to expose our fragilities and vulnerabilities.
Leaping into the unknown
It’s in this context that I’m taking something of a leap into the unknown, leaving West Heath School after 19 years to set up my own business. I’ve, far too often, joked that staying for so long was either a mark of great resilience, or of a complete lack of ambition. In reality it has been more about on the one hand, valuing being part of something profoundly meaningful, and on the other, deep doubts about my knowledge and my skills. In challenging the latter, I know and choose to believe that actually I do have the ability to help others in ways that can be profoundly beneficial. In terms of the former, well I’ll be seeking new and interesting opportunities to fulfil my need to be a part of something greater than myself.
Making such a profound change, is for me, unsettling and a little scary, but it’s also exciting and liberating. So, whatever challenges you’re facing, whether you currently lack faith in yourself, or you doubt your capacity for change, I hope you too can allow yourself to breath a little more slowly, a little more deeply, so that whatever you choose to do, to stay or to go, you can know that the choice is a real one, and it’s yours to make.
David
